Restore Your Self-Esteem
The benefits of healthy self-esteem are countless. Self-esteem is the foundation of which your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors emerge. Self-esteem determines your success because you cannot perform beyond the limits of the expectations you set for yourself. The way you think about yourself determines your beliefs, which affect your feelings that drive your behavior. Developing healthy self-esteem can be life-changing.
Low self-esteem sets limits to what you think you can do, which affects your school and job performance, stress, relationships, and social skills, as well as parenting, anxiety, depression, body image, boundaries, eating disorders...and much more.
Part of self-esteem is EQ, Emotional Quotient. We also have IQ, Intelligence Quotient. EQ , your emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use and manage your emotions in a positive way. We need our emotions because they are our navigation system through this life. They inform us how we feel and then we can decide what we want to do... we do not have to become our feelings. Distress tolerance is a big factor in being able to manage those feelings. For example, when something troublesome occurs, observe what is going on without judging it. When something happens and you feel these strong emotions come over you...PAUSE and observe, do not say or do anything. Notice how you are feeling and what is going on around you until those feelings wash over you... just like a wave in the ocean coming to shore.. feel the feelings come up and wait until they are calm. Then decide what you want to do. This takes practice, mindfulness, and intention.
Then there is Wise Mind. We always want to be in our Wise Mind as much as possible. We have our Emotional Mind and our Rational Mind. If you think of a Venn Diagram, where they overlap, that is our Wise Mind. The balance between our Emotional and Rational Mind. Wise Mind is where all your peace, good decision making, and joy is found. How you get there is individual. There are a lot of things that keep us from being in our Wise Mind. So these awarenesses about yourself, these things that cause you problems, are guiding and leading you to more peace and joy. Because the obstacles do not block the path, they are the path. So when problems arise it is just an opportunity to work through something to understand yourself on a different level, to be able to find more peace and joy from within.
So, are you comfortable with your feelings? Because you have to tolerate the distress of feeling your feelings to allow them to help you navigate through this life. For example, do you fear anger? Anger shows up to let us know that we are not happy or feeling valued, and loved. This gives us an opportunity to do something about it. But you have to tolerate the distress of feeling anger to get the message and decide what action you take. Sometimes it is a boundary, be it a physical or emotional boundary and sometimes it is having a voice or a difficult conversation. You get to decide.
These are some of the pillars of healthy self-esteem that will help you get everything you want out of this life on your terms.